I'm Not Sure if I Attract Crazy or if I Make Them that Way.

The Crazy Conundrum: Do We Attract It or Create It?

It got me thinking...

Let’s dive into a topic that’s as perplexing as it is intriguing: the question of whether we attract crazy or if we somehow have a knack for making it. It’s a question that has plagued many of us at one point or another, leaving us scratching our heads and wondering just what role we play in the wild, wacky world of relationships. So, let’s explore the mysteries of attraction and environment from a psychological perspective.

Picture this: You find yourself in yet another whirlwind romance, swept off your feet by someone who seems to have stepped straight out of a romantic comedy. But as the days turn into weeks, and the weeks into months, you start to notice some… let’s call them “quirks.” Red flags begin to pop up left and right, erratic behavior, emotional outbursts, and a penchant for drama that would make even the most seasoned soap opera star blush. Suddenly, you're knee-deep in drama, dealing with insecurities and unpredictable behavior. Sound familiar?

In those moments, it's tempting to blame the other person for all the craziness swirling around you. After all, they're the ones exhibiting the questionable behavior, right? But what if, just what if, we’re overlooking our own role in the madness? Let’s take a step back and consider the possibility that perhaps we’re not just passive victims in this crazy carousel of love. Could it be that our own behaviors, beliefs, and even our environments shape the dynamics of our relationships?

Research shows that our emotional states can influence those around us. The law of attraction suggests that our thoughts and emotions shape our reality. When we embody insecurity or instability, we may inadvertently draw partners who reflect those feelings back to us. This phenomenon, known as emotional contagion, indicates that our emotional states can create feedback loops in relationships.

In my practice, I’ve witnessed this play out in countless ways. Take Tina, for example. After a series of tumultuous relationships, she couldn’t help but wonder if she attracted “crazy.” Through our sessions, we uncovered her patterns of behavior that seemed to invite chaos; over-sharing on the first date, rushing into commitments, and seeking partners who validated her insecurities. It was as if she was casting a spell, drawing in the very energy she hoped to avoid.

Then there was Tom, who believed he was a magnet for emotionally unavailable partners. We explored his past and found that his upbringing had ingrained a belief that love had to be earned through struggle. This belief not only attracted partners who mirrored his “crazy” energy but also created a cycle of disappointment. Attachment theory suggests that our early relationships with caregivers shape our future romantic attachments , and Tom’s history certainly supported that notion.

Let’s consider the impact of our environment. The people we surround ourselves with, the media we consume, even the places we frequent, all contribute to the tapestry of our lives, shaping our perceptions of ourselves and the world around us. In the context of attracting or creating “crazy,” our environment can wield significant influence.

Think about the classic scenario of the toxic workplace. You know the one; filled with office politics, backstabbing, and drama aplenty. In that kind of environment, it’s all too easy to adopt the toxic behaviors of our colleagues, inadvertently fueling the fire of craziness.

For example, Anna worked in a high-stress job surrounded by colleagues who thrived on drama. Over time, she began to mirror their behaviors, engaging in gossip and escalating minor conflicts into full-blown crises. It became a cycle that not only affected her work life but also seeped into her personal relationships. When we explored this pattern, Anna realized that she needed to set boundaries and choose a healthier work environment to reclaim her sense of stability.

So, are we attracting crazy, or are we creating it? It’s a bit of both. Relationships are like dances; if one partner leads with chaos, the other may follow suit, creating a whirlwind of emotion that can be exhilarating but exhausting.

Research by psychologist Dr. John Gottman shows that couples often mirror each other’s emotional states. When one partner is anxious or reactive, the other often mirrors that behavior, creating a feedback loop that can escalate into chaos . This doesn’t mean we’re doomed to a lifetime of drama; it’s a wake-up call to examine the energy we bring to our relationships.

Navigating the crazy cycle requires self-awareness and a willingness to change. For Tina, it meant setting boundaries and cultivating self-love before seeking external validation. For Tom, it involved unlearning the belief that love had to be difficult. By embracing their own truths, they could break free from the chaotic patterns that had defined their past relationships.

In conclusion, the next time you find yourself questioning whether you attract crazy or create it, consider the role your environment plays in shaping your relationships. Are you surrounding yourself with positivity and support? Or are you unwittingly inviting chaos into your life?

After all, love is a journey, and navigating the twists and turns can lead us to the most unexpected and delightful destinations.