Don't Take Yourself So Seriously, No One Else Does.

In order to insult me, I must first value your opinion.

It got me thinking...

Why is it that we let other people’s opinions live rent-free in our heads? A passing comment, a raised eyebrow, or even a poorly worded text can send us spiraling into self-doubt. It’s like handing someone the remote control to your emotions and then wondering why they keep changing the channel. And maybe that’s because we take ourselves far too seriously, forgetting that most people are too busy worrying about their own lives to truly care about ours.

Take my client, Jake. He came to me after a coworker made a snide remark during a meeting. “She said my idea was ‘interesting,’” he told me, air-quoting the word like it was a personal attack. “Do you think she meant it was bad? Or stupid? Or both?” Jake had spent the entire weekend replaying the moment in his head, dissecting every word, every tone, every micro-expression. But here’s the thing: the coworker probably forgot about the comment the second she said it. Jake, on the other hand, had turned it into a full-blown psychological thriller.

It’s like tripping on the sidewalk and assuming the entire city is laughing at you. In reality, no one noticed, or if they did, they forgot about it five seconds later. Maybe that’s the truth we all need to hear: most people aren’t thinking about you as much as you think they are.

Science backs this up. There’s a phenomenon called the “spotlight effect,” which is our tendency to overestimate how much other people notice and care about our actions. Studies show that we’re all so focused on our own lives that we barely register what others are doing. That embarrassing thing you said at the party? No one remembers it. That awkward moment in the meeting? It’s already old news. The truth is, people are too busy worrying about their own insecurities to dwell on yours.

Jake’s problem wasn’t his coworker’s comment, it was the value he placed on her opinion. He had handed her the power to define his worth, and she didn’t even know it. But here’s the thing: in order to insult me, I must first value your opinion. If I don’t, your words are just noise. And maybe that’s the secret to not taking yourself so seriously: realizing that not everyone’s opinion deserves a seat at your table.

This doesn’t mean you should ignore all feedback or criticism. Constructive feedback can help us grow, but there’s a difference between learning from others and letting their opinions control you. The key is to ask yourself: does this person’s opinion align with my values? Do they have the expertise or insight to offer meaningful input? If the answer is no, then why are you giving their words so much weight?

It’s like letting a stranger on the street tell you how to decorate your living room. Sure, they might have an opinion, but does it really matter? Here’s the mindset we need to adopt: listen to the voices that matter and tune out the rest.

Jake and I worked on reframing his perspective. Instead of obsessing over what his coworker might have meant, he started focusing on what he thought of his own idea. Did he believe it was good? Did it align with his goals? By shifting the focus inward, he realized that her opinion didn’t hold as much power as he thought. And as he let go of the need for external validation, he started to feel lighter, freer, and, dare I say it, a little less serious.

Because here’s the truth: life is too short to take yourself so seriously. You’re going to trip, you’re going to say the wrong thing, and you’re going to have moments where you feel like a complete fool. But so is everyone else. We’re all just stumbling through life, trying to figure it out as we go. And the sooner you realize that, the sooner you can stop worrying about what other people think and start enjoying the ride.

It’s like being the only one at a costume party who didn’t get the memo that it’s not a costume party. You can either spend the night hiding in the corner, or you can own it, laugh about it, and maybe even start a trend. Maybe that’s the kind of confidence that comes from not taking yourself too seriously.