Connections.... Because We Need A Witness To Ourselves?

Seen, so I can truly exist.

It got me thinking...

Your life will not go unnoticed, because I will notice it. Your life will not go unwitnessed, because I will be your witness...

Why do we crave connection so deeply? Why does it feel like we’re not fully alive unless someone else sees us, hears us, knows us? I’ve come to believe that connection isn’t just a luxury; it’s a necessity. We need a witness to our lives, someone to say, “I see you. I notice you. You matter.” Without that, it’s like shouting into an empty canyon, waiting for an echo that never comes.

It’s like the old saying: if a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound? If we live our lives without anyone truly seeing us, do we even feel real? Connection is the answer to that existential question. It’s the thing that grounds us, gives us meaning, and reminds us that we’re not alone in this messy, beautiful world.

Take my client, Laura. She came to me feeling invisible in her marriage. “I don’t think he even notices me anymore,” she said, her voice breaking. “I could disappear, and I don’t think it would matter.” Laura wasn’t asking for grand gestures or constant attention, she just wanted to feel seen. To have her partner look at her and say, “I notice you. I’m here.” Her pain wasn’t about the lack of love; it was about the lack of witnessing. And that’s the thing about connection; it’s not about being surrounded by people. It’s about being truly seen by even one person.

It’s like standing in front of a mirror that doesn’t reflect back. You’re there, but you can’t see yourself. And maybe that’s why we need each other. To be the mirror. To reflect back the parts of ourselves we can’t see on our own.

Then there’s James, who came to me after losing his best friend. “He was the only person who really got me,” James said. “Now that he’s gone, I feel like I’ve lost a part of myself.” James wasn’t just grieving his friend, he was grieving the loss of the person who had witnessed his life. The one who had laughed at his jokes, listened to his fears, and reminded him of who he was. Without that connection, James felt untethered, like a balloon drifting into the sky with no one holding the string.

The science of connection backs this up. Studies show that strong social bonds are linked to better mental health, longer life expectancy, and even lower rates of chronic illness. But it’s not just about having people around, it’s about the quality of those connections. It’s about feeling understood, valued, and seen. Connection isn’t just a nice-to-have; it’s a biological imperative.

So how do we create those connections? It starts with vulnerability. With letting someone in, even when it feels scary. It’s about saying, “This is me. Will you see me?” And it’s about being that witness for someone else. About saying, “I see you. I notice you. You matter.”

One of my clients, Sofia, learned this the hard way. She spent years keeping people at arm’s length, afraid of being hurt. But in doing so, she also kept herself from being truly seen. “I thought I was protecting myself,” she told me. “But really, I was just lonely.” When Sofia finally let her guard down and allowed herself to connect with others, she discovered something incredible: the more she let people see her, the more she saw herself.

It’s like standing by a quiet lake at sunrise. The world feels still, but the reflection in the water reminds you that you’re part of something bigger. And maybe that’s the magic of connection. It’s not just about being seen by others; it’s about seeing yourself more clearly through their eyes.

So, the next time you feel invisible, ask yourself: who is my witness? And if you don’t have one, be brave enough to find one. Because your life will not go unnoticed, as long as someone notices it. Your life will not go unwitnessed, as long as someone is there to witness it. And in the end, isn’t that what we all want? To know that we mattered, because someone else saw us.