We Spend So Much Time Trying To Overcome Something

When we should be spending more time just moving on.

It got me thinking....

Are we obsessed with overcoming, when we should really just be moving on?

We’ve all been there, tangled in the wreckage of a failed relationship, a lost job, a mistake that still echoes in our heads at 2 a.m. And what do we do? We analyze, dissect, and try to “overcome” it, as if life were a math problem that could be solved with enough effort. But here’s the thing; sometimes, the real power isn’t in overcoming. It’s in moving on.

Science backs this up. Research on rumination; the tendency to overthink past events, shows that the more we dwell on what went wrong, the more we reinforce negative neural pathways. It’s like walking the same path in a forest over and over until it becomes a trench. The longer we stay there, the harder it is to climb out. Meanwhile, studies on psychological flexibility suggest that those who pivot, adapt, and focus on what’s next tend to be happier and more resilient.

I had a client who spent years trying to “overcome” the fact that her ex had cheated. She read self-help books, went to therapy, even took up boxing. But the more she tried to conquer the betrayal, the more she stayed tied to it. One day, I asked her, “What if you just let it be part of your story instead of something you have to beat?” A month later, she messaged me from a café in Italy; solo trip, no longer looking back. It’s like she finally realized that healing wasn’t a battle to win, but a journey to continue.

Then there was the guy who lost his dream job and kept replaying the rejection, as if figuring out why would erase the sting. The more he obsessed, the more stuck he became. When he finally shifted his focus; new skills, new opportunities, doors opened. And just like that, the thing he had spent so much energy “overcoming” became nothing more than a plot twist in a much bigger story.

Maybe we don’t have to conquer every ghost from our past. Maybe we just need to stop giving them so much space in our present. And maybe that’s when we finally move forward.