They Rather Be Embarrassed of You or Proud of You

Pride vs Embarrassment

Not both.

It got me thinking...

Have you ever felt like you’re constantly living in someone else’s shadow? That someone else’s expectations of you are more important than your own dreams? Whether it’s a partner, a parent, or even a friend, there’s always that lingering question: will they be embarrassed of you, or will they be proud of you?

I’ve spent a lot of time unpacking this. It’s like everyone’s trying to live up to someone else’s script, rather than writing their own. So, why is it that we often worry so much about the opinions of others? According to social psychology, it’s called “social comparison theory.” Basically, we’re wired to measure our success and worth against those around us. But here’s the catch: it’s a surefire way to feel miserable if you’re always measuring your self-worth with someone else’s ruler.

Let me tell you about Emily. She’s a client who’s struggled with this exact thing. Emily had spent years bending over backward to make her parents proud, even if it meant sacrificing her own dreams and ambitions. Her mother, an accomplished lawyer, expected Emily to follow in her footsteps. Emily, however, dreamed of being a painter. But the pressure of wanting her mother’s approval often left her in knots.

One day, she came into my office, sat down, and sighed, “I feel like I’m constantly disappointing them. No matter what I do, it’s never enough.”

I asked her, “Emily, have you ever stopped to think about what you want? Not them, not what they expect, but you?”

And it hit her. She was living her life based on someone else’s idea of success, instead of her own.

This dynamic is something I see with a lot of clients. It's like we're auditioning for a role in someone else’s life, playing the part of who we think we should be instead of who we are. It’s exhausting, and the result? We often wind up stuck in this loop of self-doubt, wondering if others will be proud of us or, worse, if they’ll be embarrassed by us.

Now, I’m not saying we should throw caution to the wind and live in a complete vacuum, cutting ties with everyone. Relationships are important. But what’s more important is recognizing that no matter what we do, someone is bound to feel one way or the other. The key is to make peace with the idea that, ultimately, the only person who needs to be proud of you is... well, you.

It’s like Sara. She came to me, her eyes wide with uncertainty, saying, “I’m terrified of what people will think if I leave my corporate job and open my own yoga studio. I’m afraid people will think I’ve failed.”

I looked her dead in the eye and said, “Sara, failure isn’t the opposite of success. It’s part of it. But more importantly, who’s success are we talking about? Yours, or someone else’s?”

She paused, looked at me, and said, “Mine, I guess.”

And just like that, she made the decision. Sara left her corporate job, opened her yoga studio, and is now thriving. Not because it was the perfect plan (because who’s got that?) but because it was hers. She stopped measuring her life by other people’s standards and started living it by her own.

It’s like this: You’ll never make everyone proud of you. And guess what? That’s okay. In fact, it’s more than okay. It’s freeing. If we’re always chasing someone else’s version of success, we risk losing ourselves in the process.

And maybe, being true to yourself, even if it means disappointing someone else, is the most empowering thing you can do. It’s not about others being proud of you; it’s about you being proud of yourself. Because at the end of the day, their opinions fade, but your sense of self is what stays.

So, the next time you find yourself stuck between the choice of being embarrassed of yourself or proud of yourself, remember this: you’re the only one who can write the script. And when you stop trying to live up to someone else’s expectations, you may just find that you’ve been the leading character all along.