There is a Difference Between Being Happy and Being Distracted From Sadness

Happiness isn’t a distraction; it’s what’s left when the noise fades.

It got me thinking..

Happiness. Or, more specifically, the illusion of it. Let’s be honest, how often do we confuse being happy with simply being distracted from sadness? It’s like putting a bandage over a crack in the wall. Sure, it looks fine for now, but the foundation is still crumbling underneath. And maybe that’s why so many of us feel like we’re teetering on the edge of contentment, never quite able to settle into it.

Take my client, Lucie. On the surface, she had it all: a great job, a busy social life, and a calendar so packed it could make a Type A personality sweat. “I’m happy,” she told me, almost defensively, when I asked how she was feeling. But as we peeled back the layers, it became clear that her “happiness” was more of a distraction. She wasn’t happy; she was busy. She wasn’t fulfilled; she was occupied. And the sadness she was running from? It was still there, lurking in the quiet moments she tried so hard to avoid.

It’s like scrolling through your phone at 2 a.m., convincing yourself you’re entertained when, really, you’re just avoiding the silence. And here’s the thing: science backs this up. Research shows that our brains are wired to seek out distractions when we’re uncomfortable. It’s a survival mechanism, a way to avoid pain. But the problem is, distractions don’t heal, they just delay. You can binge-watch an entire season of your favorite show, but when the credits roll, the sadness is still sitting there, waiting for you.

Lucie’s distractions were her shield. She filled her days with work, her nights with friends, and her weekends with plans. “If I stop, I’ll fall apart,” she admitted. And that’s the trap, isn’t it? We think that if we keep moving, keep doing, keep distracting, we can outrun the sadness. But sadness isn’t something you can outrun, it’s something you have to face.

Consider the difference between happiness and distraction. Happiness is rooted in presence, in connection, in meaning. It’s the feeling you get when you’re fully engaged in the moment, not because you’re avoiding something, but because you’re embracing it. Distraction, on the other hand, is a temporary escape. It’s the quick fix, the sugar rush, the thing that keeps you from sitting with your feelings for just a little too long.

It’s like the difference between eating a nourishing meal and snacking on junk food. One sustains you; the other just keeps you from feeling hungry for a while. And maybe that’s why so many of us feel empty even when our lives look full.

Lucie’s breakthrough came when she stopped running. She started carving out time to sit with her feelings, to journal, to talk about the things she’d been avoiding. “It’s uncomfortable,” she said, “but it’s also kind of freeing.” And that’s the paradox of sadness: the more you face it, the less power it has over you. The more you acknowledge it, the more space you create for genuine happiness to grow.

The science of emotions tells us that avoidance only amplifies what we’re trying to escape. Studies show that when we suppress our feelings, they don’t go away, they just go underground, where they fester and grow. But when we name our emotions, when we allow ourselves to feel them, we take away their sting. It’s not easy, but it’s necessary.

So, the next time you find yourself scrolling, bingeing, or over-scheduling, pause. Ask yourself: am I happy, or am I just distracted? Am I embracing joy, or am I avoiding pain? It’s a hard question, but it’s an important one. Because true happiness isn’t about running from sadness, it’s about making peace with it.