Love Needs Action, Trust Needs Proof and Sorry Needs Change

Shoulda, coulda, woulda; without the action, trust, and change, it’s just words.

It got me thinking....

It’s easy to say the words. "I love you." "I trust you." "I’m sorry." But what happens when the words are spoken, but the actions don’t match? In the world of relationships, we often find ourselves caught in this verbal whirlpool, saying all the right things but somehow failing to make them stick.

Love needs action. Trust needs proof. And sorry? Well, sorry needs change.

Let’s start with love. It’s one of those words that rolls off the tongue like a greeting, but when it’s truly needed, when it matters most, it requires more than just a heartfelt declaration. You can tell someone you love them all day long, but if your actions don’t align, it’s just a string of syllables.

Take Megan, for example. She had been in a relationship for over two years, and the love was undoubtedly there. They said it often, exchanged sweet texts, and had all the signs of a strong connection. But Megan felt neglected. Her partner, on the other hand, always promised they’d make more time for her, but that time never seemed to materialize. Her partner loved her, but there was no action to back it up.

Here’s the thing: love isn’t in the words, it’s in the doing. Psychologically, love is grounded in consistency and effort. When we don’t see the action, we start to doubt whether the feelings are real. It’s like a plant that needs sunlight, saying "I love you" but never watering the relationship is like trying to grow a garden without tending to it.

Trust? Trust needs proof. We all know that person who says, “Trust me,” but somehow, their actions don’t inspire confidence. For my client, David, it was a little more complicated. He trusted his partner when they first started dating, but after a few months of broken promises and inconsistent communication, trust began to erode. He found himself saying, “I want to trust you, but your actions keep telling me otherwise.” Trust is like a fragile glass; one crack, and it’s never quite the same.

Here’s the scientific part: When we’re betrayed or let down, our brain releases stress hormones like cortisol. This keeps us in a heightened state of alertness, and it takes concrete evidence to bring us back down to a place of calm. Just telling someone you trust them won’t reset that cycle. Actions? They rebuild the bridge, one supportive gesture at a time.

And then there’s “sorry.” The word that everyone loves to say, but it’s the hardest to make stick. Because sorry needs change. It’s easy to apologize, but without a change in behavior, it’s just empty noise. Take Sarah, a client of mine who had been in a tumultuous relationship where apologies flowed like wine at Thanksgiving. Her partner said “sorry” constantly, but nothing ever changed. The same mistakes kept happening. And Sarah? She was done.

In fact, research shows that continual apologies without corresponding action can cause frustration, resentment, and a breakdown of trust. Psychologically speaking, “sorry” loses its meaning when it’s not followed by actual change. You can say “sorry” all day, but if you keep making the same mistake, the apology becomes a shortcut to avoid deeper reflection and growth.

It’s like a broken record that says, “I’ll change, I’ll change!” but never does. The trick is that an apology isn’t truly complete until there’s tangible evidence that the behavior has shifted. It’s like cleaning up a mess without actually fixing the broken vase; you might sweep up the pieces, but if you don’t glue it back together, it’ll never be the same.

And maybe, when we move beyond the words and into the actions, we’ll see love for what it truly is: a verb. Trust won’t feel like a fragile bird ready to fly away, and apologies will feel less like an obligatory chant and more like an authentic process of growth.

So, here’s the key takeaway: love isn’t just something you say, trust isn’t just something you feel, and sorry isn’t something you hope will be accepted. They all need the messy, beautiful, often imperfect action to make them meaningful.

It’s like planting seeds. You can say you want a garden, but until you water the flowers, pull the weeds, and give it sunlight, the garden won’t grow. And maybe that’s the secret to relationships. It’s the action that transforms the words, the proof that builds trust, and the change that makes an apology stick.