Humans Tend To Choose A Known Misfortune Rather Than An Unknown Future

The comfort of the known: why we stick to the familiar, even if it’s a hot mess?

It got me thinking....

Comfortably Uncomfortable......I couldn’t help but reflect on that age-old truth. It sounds dramatic, but trust me, there’s something profoundly human about it. And no, it’s not because we love drama, but rather because our brains are hardwired to avoid uncertainty like the plague. So, when we’re stuck in a job we hate, a relationship that’s seen better days, or a lifestyle that’s barely holding it together, we choose to stay. Why? Because we know it. It’s familiar. It’s predictable. And, as much as we like to believe we’re fearless, it turns out that predictability is the real comfort zone.

But here’s the twist. Science, yes, my trusty sidekick in the pursuit of mental wellness, backs this up. According to research in behavioral psychology, we are wired to prioritize certainty over potential rewards because, evolutionarily, uncertainty equals risk, and risk could equal danger. Survival instincts.

It’s like the known misfortune is that mediocre cup of coffee you keep ordering, despite knowing it’s not your favorite. Why? Because it’s there, and it’s safe. And somehow, that’s enough.

Let me give you some real-life client examples...

Rachel has been working at the same company for years. The job? A soul-sucking, creativity-killing monster that leaves her with the emotional equivalent of eating a bag of chips after 8 PM. Yet, every time I ask, “Have you thought about leaving for something better?” she sighs, leans back, and gives me the same answer:“But I know this job. It’s predictable. I get a paycheck, the same coworkers, the same routine.”It’s like... she’s married to the monster in her job, because the alternative, facing the unknown of starting fresh, is too scary. And don’t get me wrong, uncertainty is terrifying. But isn’t it better to step into a space where you might be happy, instead of staying in a space that actively deprives you of joy?

Maybe, just maybe, it's worth asking if staying is the real risk...

I once worked with someone I’ll call Peter. He had been dating someone for years, and it was... let's say, rocky. Every conversation, every argument, every dramatic exit was followed by a dramatic return. I’d often ask, “Why stay in this relationship if it’s so hard on you?”His answer was, “I know what to expect. I don’t know what life would be like without her. At least with her, I know the chaos.”It’s like being stuck in an airport terminal with delayed flights and freezing cold air conditioning, but the thought of walking out into the unknown world of… well, the unknown... was terrifying.

But here’s the kicker: The chaos that feels comfortable is often worse than the unknown. When we keep choosing the same misery, we’re training ourselves to be comfortable with discomfort. And that’s the crux of it: we choose discomfort because, oddly enough, it feels safe.

So, maybe, there’s freedom in discomfort we haven’t yet explored. Maybe leaving the known chaos behind isn’t as risky as we think.

Well, as it turns out, the first step is the hardest: acknowledge that we’re choosing the misery. The next step? Small steps toward discomfort, like dipping your toe in a pool instead of cannonballing into the deep end. Think of it like choosing a new cup of coffee that might not be perfect, but at least it’s not the same old bland brew.

A key point to remember: the brain’s aversion to uncertainty is a feature, not a bug. And like any good feature, we can use it to our advantage. Start with little risks. Test new things. Ask for the promotion. Go on the first date. Try the yoga class. Get out of your own head, and into the unknown.

And as you step into that unfamiliar future, remember this: It’s like the first step on a brand-new dance floor. It might be awkward, but once you get the rhythm, you’ll wonder why you waited so long to move.

And isn’t that what life’s about? Not perfect, but unpredictable,and full of potential.

So, tell me, when’s the last time you chose the unknown over the known?