Stop Watering Dead Plants And Call It Landscaping

Do not invest in someone based on how much you like them.

Invest in them based on how much they invest in you.

It got me thinking...

“Energy speaks volumes.” That’s what I told my client Marilou, after she spent an entire session dissecting her latest situationship. She was exhausted, frustrated, and, frankly, heartbroken. “I just don’t get it,” she said. “I like him so much, but it feels like I’m the only one trying. I’m always the one reaching out, making plans, putting in the effort. And he just… doesn’t.”

And there it was; the unspoken truth we all need to hear at some point: Do not invest in someone based on how much you like them. Invest in them based on how much they invest in you.

It’s a hard pill to swallow, especially when your feelings are loud and your logic is quiet. But relationships, whether romantic, platonic, or professional, are a two-way street. If you’re the only one driving, you’re not in a partnership; you’re in a performance. And maybe that’s why you feel so drained.

Energy speaks volumes. It’s not just about words or promises; it’s about actions. It’s about showing up, being present, and putting in the work. When someone values you, you don’t have to chase them. You don’t have to beg for their time, attention, or effort. They meet you halfway, or better yet, they meet you where you are.

Science backs this up. Studies on reciprocity in relationships show that mutual effort is one of the strongest predictors of satisfaction and longevity. When both parties invest equally, the relationship thrives. But when one person is doing all the heavy lifting, resentment builds, and the connection starts to crumble. It’s not just about fairness, it’s about balance. Marilou’s problem wasn’t that she liked him too much. It was that she was pouring all her energy into someone who wasn’t pouring anything back. “It’s like I’m watering a plant that’s already dead,” she said. And she wasn’t wrong. You can’t grow something beautiful if you’re the only one tending to it.

So, I asked her, “What would happen if you stopped? If you pulled back and let him show you how much he’s willing to invest?” She hesitated. “I guess I’d find out if he really cares,” she said. And that’s the thing; when you stop over-investing, you create space for the other person to step up. Or not. Either way, you get clarity.

Marilou decided to take a step back. She stopped initiating conversations, stopped making plans, stopped bending over backward to keep the connection alive. And you know what happened? Nothing. He didn’t reach out, didn’t check in, didn’t fight for her. It hurt, but it also set her free. “I realized I was holding onto potential, not reality,” she said. “And I deserve more than that.”

We all do. We deserve relationships that feel like partnerships, not performances. We deserve people who match our energy, who invest in us as much as we invest in them. And if they don’t? That’s not a reflection of your worth, it’s a reflection of their priorities.

So, here’s the takeaway: Energy speaks volumes. Pay attention to what people do, not just what they say. Don’t invest in someone based on how much you like them. Invest in them based on how much they invest in you. Because at the end of the day, relationships aren’t about chasing, they’re about choosing. And you deserve to be chosen.