Don't Think Of The Relationship As Over, Think Of It As Completed

Don’t throw the baby out with the bathwater.

It got me thinking...

It happens like clockwork. You’re going through a breakup (or any type of ending), and someone, usually a well-meaning friend, drops the bomb: “Well, it’s over. Time to move on!”

Over. Just like that. As if you’re supposed to fold up the emotional sheets, pack them away, and live in a pristine, drama-free, freshly-made bed forevermore.

But let me ask you: is it really over, or is it just... completed? Let’s break it down, shall we?

In the world of psychology, the word "completion" doesn’t carry the same finality as “over.” When a relationship is over, it can feel like a door slammed in your face. There’s no room for negotiation, no room for nuance. But when you think of a relationship as completed, it opens up a little breathing room for reflection, growth, and understanding.

This shift in perspective can be a game-changer, according to research on closure. Closure, in the traditional sense, doesn’t mean a neat bow tied around the relationship, it means acknowledging what was, feeling the feelings, and recognizing that the relationship served a purpose, even if that purpose was to teach you how to be stronger, smarter, or more discerning.

Let’s look at Lily. Lily came to me after a gut-wrenching breakup with someone she thought was "the one." Her initial reaction was typical: “It’s over. I’ve failed. I’ll never find love again.” Sound familiar? Her mind raced through a thousand worst-case scenarios, desperately grasping for closure.

But I offered her a new lens: What if this wasn’t about ending something, but completing it?

It’s like taking a puzzle you’ve worked on for months, and instead of tossing it into a box because you’re frustrated it’s not finished, you step back, take a deep breath, and say, “I’ve completed this puzzle. It’s done. It served its purpose.” You appreciate the beauty of the process rather than focusing on the missing piece.

Lily started to see her relationship differently. She didn’t just see it as an incomplete failure. She saw the lessons learned, the laughter shared, and the growth she experienced. Her relationship had completed its role in her life, and now it was time to carry those lessons forward.

It's like emotional spring cleaning. You go through the clutter, thank the items for their service, and then let them go. No hard feelings. You know those things will come in handy someday, but it’s not the right time. It’s a mental and emotional release.

And maybe, that shift in thinking could be the key to unburdening ourselves. Imagine looking at your past relationships with a sense of gratitude for what they gave you, instead of sorrow for what they took.

Then there’s James, a client who came to me after a six-year relationship that had ended not with a bang, but with a sigh. He described it as “over” in every sense of the word. He couldn’t stop thinking about all the ways things went wrong, all the opportunities missed, and all the emotional baggage he had to carry.

I challenged James to see it differently. Instead of looking at the relationship as “over,” I suggested he think of it as completed; not something to mourn, but something to appreciate.

Slowly, he began to reframe his experience. “I wasn’t a failure. That relationship helped me figure out what I truly want in a partner,” he said. He began seeing the relationship as a chapter in his life that had come to its natural conclusion. Not an “over” chapter, just a completed one.

So, how do we know when a relationship is truly completed? It’s when you can look at it without the sharp sting of regret, without the haunting what-ifs. It’s when you can acknowledge its place in your story and move on to the next chapter with a sense of peace.

It’s like re-reading a favorite book. You know how it ends, but each time, you discover something new. You never forget the story, but it’s not the only story anymore.

And maybe that’s the secret. Not to rush the process of healing, but to see the relationship for what it was. Not “over,” but completed. That way, you can take everything that worked and leave behind what didn’t. You get to keep the best parts and, most importantly, you get to move forward knowing that you’re still the hero of your own story.