Resilience Is Not a Race to Bounce Back from Hardship

It's a commitment to keep going in the face of hardship.

It got me thinking...

I was scrolling through Instagram when I came across yet another motivational quote: “Resilience is not about bouncing back, it’s about bouncing forward.” While I loved the sentiment, something about it didn’t quite sit right with me.

And then it hit me. Resilience, the fancy word we use to describe emotional toughness, isn’t a race to get back to where we were before the hardship. It’s not a race at all.

Take my client Lisa, for example. After her divorce, she’d hear everyone around her saying things like, “You’re so strong, you’ll bounce back in no time!” Well, as much as I wanted to high-five those well-meaning people, Lisa didn’t feel like bouncing back. In fact, she wasn’t even sure where “back” was. So we talked about it. The idea of bouncing back felt like she was trying to turn a page in a book that was still open, her life stuck between chapters. She wasn’t broken, but she wasn’t the same either, and that was okay.

You see, resilience isn’t about getting back to “normal.” In fact, research backs this up. According to the American Psychological Association, resilience isn’t about erasing pain or swiftly returning to your previous life. It’s about how well we adapt to and learn from challenges, how we rebuild, reframe, and renew our outlook, but at our own pace. And maybe, “bouncing back” is an oversimplification of a far more complex and nuanced process.

It’s like this: you don’t snap back like a rubber band after hardship. Instead, you grow, you stretch, and you become someone new. Lisa, for example, didn’t bounce back to the “old her.” Instead, she learned how to integrate her experience into her life and find new ways to show up for herself. She didn’t go back to a familiar place; she went forward, creating a new chapter.

Then there’s Tom, who lost his job during the pandemic. Everyone told him that resilience was about bouncing back, about finding a new job and moving on. But Tom was exhausted; his self-worth had taken a beating, and he wasn’t quite ready to jump into another nine-to-five grind. Instead, we worked together on redefining what resilience meant for him. Instead of rushing back to “normal,” Tom took time to explore new paths; volunteering, picking up new skills, and nurturing his creativity. It wasn’t a race. It was a journey, and at his own pace.

Resilience isn’t a quick fix or a checklist. It’s not about getting from point A to point B in record time. It’s about the lessons you learn, the strength you uncover, and the person you become along the way. Whether it’s the loss of a job, a relationship, or a dream, resilience allows you to create a new foundation, not just rebuild the old one.

And maybe, resilience isn’t about being tough enough to handle hardship quickly. It’s about giving yourself the grace to process, the space to heal, and the time to grow. Resilience isn’t measured by how fast you bounce back. It’s measured by how well you move forward, even if it’s just a little bit at a time.

So, the next time you find yourself in the middle of a storm, remember: resilience isn’t a race. It’s the journey. The slow, steady, and sometimes messy process of creating something new out of what’s left.

And guess what? You’ve got this.