If it's Out Of Your Hands, Let it Out Of Your Mind Too.

Release what you can't control; your peace depends on it

It got me thinking....

It’s 8 p.m. on a Tuesday, and I’m scrolling through emails I should have ignored hours ago. My mind’s a hamster wheel of to-do lists and unanswered texts when a quote pops up on my feed: “If it’s out of your hands, let it out of your mind too.”

Easier said than done, right? Especially when your brain insists on replaying every unresolved scenario like a Netflix binge no one asked for. But here’s the thing; our tendency to ruminate on things we can’t control isn’t just a quirk; it’s biology.

The human brain loves control. It craves certainty like a toddler craves attention. When faced with uncertainty or unfinished business, our minds default to problem-solving mode, even if there’s no solution in sight. Psychologists call this the Zeigarnik effect: our brain's tendency to focus on uncompleted tasks. It’s why you can’t stop replaying that awkward conversation from last week or obsessing over an unanswered text.

Take my client, Rachel. She’s a creative director who works 60-hour weeks and thrives on structure. Recently, she vented about a friend ghosting her after a disagreement. “I’ve replayed our last conversation a hundred times,” she told me, “trying to figure out what I said wrong.” Despite her friend’s silence, Rachel’s brain refused to let it go, as if dissecting every word would magically summon closure.

Then there’s Daniel, a marketing executive whose company was acquired. “I keep worrying about layoffs,” he said during a session. “But there’s nothing I can do except wait.” Daniel wasn’t wrong; his job security was out of his hands. Yet his mind clung to the fear like a dog with a bone, chewing over every worst-case scenario.

So, why do we do this? Neuroscience has an answer. Worry activates the brain's prefrontal cortex, the part responsible for planning and decision-making. Your brain thinks it’s being productive by rehashing the same thoughts. Spoiler alert: it’s not. All that ruminating just reinforces stress and keeps you stuck.

It’s like standing in front of a locked door, jiggling the handle over and over, expecting it to open. You know the key isn’t in your pocket, but you keep checking anyway, hoping for a different outcome.

And maybe, just maybe, that’s where the magic of letting go comes in.

Letting go isn’t about pretending you don’t care; it’s about reclaiming your mental energy. Research shows mindfulness can help shift your focus away from unproductive worry. Practices like journaling or deep breathing create space for acceptance and allow your brain to rest.

When I told Rachel, “What if you stopped trying to win a battle she’s not even fighting?” it clicked. She wrote her friend a final message, wishing her well, and left the door open for reconciliation. Daniel? He started a gratitude practice to anchor himself in the present moment, channeling his worry into things he could control.

Letting go is like cleaning out your closet. You can’t fit into old clothes that no longer serve you, so why hang on to thoughts that do the same?

As I finish my tea and finally shut my laptop, I think about the things I’ve spent too much energy holding on to. In the end, if it’s truly out of your hands, let it drift away like a balloon in the breeze.

I can’t help but wonder: what are you holding onto that it’s time to let go?